I just found out that a very triggering person will be on campus the very same weekend as one of my closest friends.. and they are friends. blah.. way to ruin a good weekend.

Where has this semester gone?

So generally at this point of the year I am psyched- Summer is swiftly approaching. This year is different, however, as a) I am graduating, b) I have no f-ing clue what I am going to be doing when I get out and c) the economy is shit.

I have decided I am going to do a direct entry Nurse to Nurse Practitioner master's program. In order to do this I will need to take a year off to take prerequisite classes and to apply to the programs. This is daunting- what the heck am I supposed to do with my time off? I honestly do not think I can spend any more time at home and while some friends want to get an apartment together in Boston I am kind of dreading the "next step". We wouldn't be able to get the apartment until September and I am afraid by then I will be trapped. At home, that is.

I just got back from being home for a week for Spring break. While things are better than they were before there is just not enough space for me to live comfortably and privately. What's worse, I generally do not eat as well at home as I do here... and as this is vital for my recovery, things get tricky. my family makes fun of me for my "finicky' eating habits... I prefer to eat solid meals and not junk food. I have to find some way around this. I am a lot more stable than before- and kind of hoping my period will come back but, at this point, I fear it is lost. My mom can't understand this.

I noticed that my mom and I have a really weak relationship. .. really, sometimes I just want her to talk to me, open up with me and ask me what is wrong/right/how I'm feeling. Just come out and ASK me, instead of hiding everything. Sure, I may say something you don't want to hear. but I know it's on your mind... she keeps everything closed up inside. When my ED was at it's height, we bonded over walking every night and weight watchers.. I clung to it because recipes and food were all we had. Really, there were no conversations of substance. Now that I am beyond this point, there are still no really conversations of substance. But I try to push for them. I just don't know how to open her up, really.

Okay well i must do work . and I'm going to admit that I am kind of freaking out about the heavy evening snack I just ate- will it upset my breakfast? Oh well.. need to get over such menial things.

It's been a while

I haven't written in a while and generally, I see that as a good thing. While I do enjoy blogging, I generally blog when I'm slipping or in need of inspiration. Today is different.

I have been doing pretty well- of course, I have had my ups and downs but in general, the ups are bigger and better than the downs. I am trying to focus on my health and not those with EDs around me, who may otherwise be triggering.

One thing I realized yesterday- people who have never suffered from a mental disorder are surprisingly intolerant of individuals such as myself. My friend admitted to me last night that she used to get "annoyed" with me our sophomore year- I pointed out that I was really struggling.. I needed help. It kind of hurt to hear that, but I'd rather she told me than not. She just didn't understand. So I give her the benefit of not knowing, even if she is my closest friend. I guess one thing I gain from this disorder is patience and understanding.

As part of my course load this semester I have been doing a special studies. My topic: the relationship between eating disorders, anxiety disorders and alcoholism. In particular, paternal alcoholism.. One interesting thing to note: alcoholic fathers are more likely to have children who have anxiety disorders than alcoholic mothers. I am curious about the implications for genetics. I also have found that alcoholism, like eating disorders, may have developed after the anxiety disorder as a coping mechanism. Of course, I had suspected this but it is nice to see that this same topic has actually been studied. Anyways, in addition to writing a paper on the topic (and I will probably post a link when I am done), I am creating a website. I hope this makes people more aware and tolerant of all three disorders.

My final update for the day: I have decided to apply to nursing school. While I was all about medical school, I could never actually see myself carrying through with the process. Nursing is so much more attainable and I think, in the long run, it will give me the flexibility to pursue many areas of interest.

Well, time to read and study genetics. That and digest a shit ton of dairy (maybe that dinner wasn't the greatest idea...).

A rainbow after the storm

Today was a relatively good day. I thoroughly enjoyed all of my classes, which is a plus. I did notice, however, I had a lot of problem concentrating this morning. I think I would attribute this to my eating habits but I felt as though I had a substantial breakfast. But still, I felt tired and full of angst. So tired I couldn't stand it. Has this ever happened? After lunch I was better but man oh man, those mornings kill me.

I'm doing a special studies on anxiety disorders this semester and I am SO excited! I love learning when I actually want to learn.

I have cross posted an entry from another blog below from yesterday: see the transformation?

I feel BLOATED. That is exactly how I feel. My body is so out of proportion right now. I'm going on a date in twenty minutes. How do others deal with this??

I just want to scream and never wear pants again. And, as counter productive as this is, I really, really feel like the past 8 years of my life were more of a waste than I already feel that they have been.

BLAHHAHAHAHA

Ok good things about today: I applied to a job and an internship and finished two cover letters.

I talked to my mom on the phone (briefly) and we didn't get into a fight.

I'm going on a date and not freaking out. Maybe it's because he's 27 and I know there is no future.

------------------

Update: the date went okay. He was kind of weird but again, I didn't expect much out of it. I got dinner anyways

yesterday was a bust. I was horribly anxious and as a result I didn't eat a lot. I was angry, depressed and not hungry.. blah..

Today I go back to school somehow (damn snow.. it is always disrupting my plans for a ride. my mom hates driving in the snow).. I still hope she'll drive me.. though that is really really selfish. And I know I face a world of friends but also, triggers. I need to get my life in order this semester. There is no choice/other chance.

And I start work tomorrow? I'm so nervous about that.

I am trying really hard not to obsess about eating while, at the same time, eat enough.. this proves to be a real challenge, as I am often hungry. But luckily I have enough to keep my mind occupied today, between taking my sister to the pharmacy, to work, taking care of the dog and bringing him to the groomers, going to the gym at some point and working on cover letters. I just want to be normal. I did, however, eat a normal lunch (though still craving afterwards...). Why is eating such a fucking hassel?

I'm waiting for the groomer to call back so I can pick up my dog and go to the gym.. or maybe I'll take my cell phone with me and go to the gym first (though I really wouldn't want to be interrupted mid-workout.

On monday I met my aunt for coffee. She is such an inspiring person and she pointed out something that has been bothering me for some time- our family lacks authenticity... and this is probably why I have been so peeved, especially at my mother, who likes to pretend all is fine and that we have an idealistic family. I love her but I would rather her speak out then hold everything in. Sometimes, I hear her whispering to my dad.. I hate that because it usually means she is talking about me.

Said boy never messaged me. Figures.

I think Im going out to dinner with my aunt tonight. Yay! One less thing to worry about

Okay so I cancelled my appointment at Walden... I know, I know, I should have kept it but I really think I can do this. I'm going to set up therapist appointments at school, see the nutritionist... vow to not over-exercise.. And again, I know it's been said. But really. I need to do this. Maybe I am inspired by my dad. He hasn't drank since Thursday! YAY DAD! I really really hope he keeps with it. I am SO proud of him. I am tempted to throw away his beer, just to safeguard myself and him.

I went out with some friends on Saturday night and kind of embarrassed myself by making out with a guy on the dance floor. Though, we were both rather drunk and I knew him.. I just wish he would message me or call me or something! He said he would and I don't know if he was too drunk and didn't mean all of those things he says.. I need to put things into perspective. Would I actually date him given the chance? Whatever, I'd like to give it a chance. My new resolution: to be social whenever possible. Including going on dates. So long as the guy isn't creepy.

Speaking of going out, and drinking too much, I felt so gross yesterday that I went to the gym to run off my alcohol and hangover. I actually felt amazing afterwards but I know it is an ED habit. I didn't go to the gym today but I know i can get through this. Gah...

anyways, off to do a whole lot of nothing until I meet my aunt (we're getting coffee)... then to my counselor appointment. Wish me luck!

Yesterday I made a call to Walden to set up an appointment for outpatient treatment. I go to school so it would not be possible to enter a residential program. Also, I have been dealing with this disease for so long that it would be unwise to put me with those who are not as motivated to recover. I need to do this for me but I am so nervous. If I have to bring my own meals to this program it is not happening- i can't handle the stress at the moment. But, at the same time, I know I need something. I want to recover so badly.


My dad didnt drink at all yesterday. He is own a dieuretic to reduce his blood NH3 levels. Let's gooooo dad.

My mom is having a party with her friends today.. so I have to escape the house. Why is it that I always feel so lonely at home?

Lethargy and mania

I am crazy and I hate it. My body wants to do one thing, my brain another. I can't handle my conflicting desires and I can't manage a social life. So I either restrict and over exercise or eat "too much" and am lethargic. I need to figure out how to balance.

I woke up this morning, surrounded by my routines. My house depresses me and makes me tired. The cold in the house just makes things worse. I haven't been to the gym yet and it is driving me crazy. I feel lethargic and unable to accomplish anything. At least at school the gym is always accessible. Here, I don't have access to a car and it drives me crazy. I need the gym because it's stimulating. It puts me with people and forces normality.

I feel as though I am eating all of the time. I had breakfast, lunch and a zone bar and it's not even 2 pm. I know I need to eat, that's what I'm supposed to do. but i wont eat without a fight. I need to talk myself out of it. I'm tired because I'm not eating enough and am not socially stimulated. Or maybe I am eating enough? I don't even know, to be honest. I should schedule an appointment with the nutritionist my counselor suggested but I haven't.

My mom is trying to get my dad to go to rehab (alcoholism).. I get my hopes up but I know it won't happen. So many of his problems would be solved if he quit. Maybe then I could focus on myself. But I am immersed in my world of food. I fear I have an addiction to food. I feel disgusting. Like a fat ass.

I go back to school next friday. Honestly, I just want to be admitted to a program myself. I want to get healthy. I can't do this alone. I can't do this anymore.

Merry Christmas everyone! I know the holidays can be tough but I hope that everyone has been good to themselves. It has been a constant battle but I resolve 2009 to be the year that I take care of myself... even if my self does not want to participate at times.

I have been seeing my counselor while at home and we have discussed different options- programs, meetings, groups. They all sound great but I have yet to call anyone. I think it is this fear of actually letting go.. or admitting my problem is bad enough to need help. And fear of the unknown, of course. I am still going to the gym reguarly but I'm trying not to go crazy. I haven't felt faint in a while so that's good. Still, I struggle with finding a balance.

I have no secure friend base here. I went out on Saturday, got bored at the bars and ended up meeting up with my brother. I have more fun with his friends than I do with my own. One of my closest girl friends and I have not been talking well- she seems so distant and when I talk to her, she just seems annoyed. or apathetic. I know that is part of her personality but I like when people actually want to talk to me. Otherwise, what is the point in calling?

Today I am breaking out of the usual and going to the aquarium with my cousin... yayy! I love the fishes.

My dad is getting worse and worse. My mom suspects congestive heart failure. i wish he would just take care of himself.

I keep telling myself that I will go to a MEDA meeting. There are some on Monday nights (so I missed it) but my brain is telling me, what's the point. I go back to school next friday.. that can't be nearly enough time.

So I have been home for break for two days. . . the first day was spent writing a paper so I don't really count it. Anyways I am already feeling the heat. Specifically, in terms of activity and eating. I have either not been hungry at all (typically during the day) or so hungry I can't handle it (evenings). Last night, after pacing and not knowing what to eat (there is really no food here that appeals to me), I made a healthy choice dinner and then had ice cream and soymilk. I was so antsy but rather than do the usual, movies, etc, I decided to create christmas cards with my energy. I was rather impressed.

Today was different. It was a day full of anxiety, though indirectly. I was out shopping with my mother, who frustrates me so much because she is in denial about her own problems. She spends most of her time, when not working, on the couch in front of the TV. . . "Why would I go anywhere else, that is where your father is". She needs to do something with her life and is much too young to live alone as an old maid. I further get frustrated because she has no real passion. For anything. She only cares about work and fretting about the family. I told her, the best thing she could do for the family would be to get a hobby. I dont understand how one person can be so apathetic. True, she may be depressed, she denies it continuously, which only makes matters worse. Between that and her bipolar personality, I really get fed up. I know it is her anxiety but she needs to learn how to manage it. I'm working on mine, so why has she not yet figured out hers?

My brother often talks about suffering from the Jones male fate (okay, not often.. he only mentioned it once). He is the only person, however, who is capable of changing that fate, and I tell him again and again. At the same time, however, I wonder if I suffer from the Forte female fate. My mom and my grandma both have this stubborn anxiety, the anxiety they fail to see and yet causes them so many problems. But I am attempting to do something about it so I'm different right? I am aware of my problems.

At the same time, I'm not working that hard to alleviate my problems... at the moment, anyways. I'm stuck in this wierd in between state . I am in a state where I know I need to do something but don't have the motivation to do so. The longer I stay home, the more motivation I lose. Typical.

Currently I'm sitting downstairs and watching Big Fish. I feel as though I have completely regressed.

I see my counselor on Monday. Thankfully.

It's amazing how much getting enough food can change one's viewpoint. Specifically, I mean carbohydrates.

So it's finals season here and that means lots of sitting, lots of studying, lots of excess energy and nerves. Thus far the nerves have not been that bad.. and I thought I was doing pretty well, eating wise. Except I am listless, lethargic. My warning sign should have been Friday morning, at the gym.. I couldn't even make it through my normal workout. Overcompensating for eating? Probably.

Last night I had some delicious bread and hummus in my room.. and instantly, my mood was lifted and I had energy. I felt so much better, so much more at peace. This morning I thought I was done but decided to have some toast with butter with my cereal. again, so much more energy.

You would think that I would know this by now, as I am sure I have had similar posts. But I always forget. Always. I am scared for when I go home and I don't have to eat 3 meals a day. I mean, I always do anyways but it is distorted. And i cut at one meal so I am "hungry enough" at the next.
I need a game plan for next semester. I need to recover. I thought I was on the road but I am not. I am still obsessed with exercise and, while I take some time off, I have to plan for it. I am obsessed with routine and I am not cultivating my interests. I am not cultivating a life. I graduate in may and this needs to end. I need to make a life for myself.

The nutritionist here wants me to do an inpatient program over break. I think I have mentioned this... . I am not planning on doing it but I do think I need a team.. counselor, nutritionist and an MD. If I want to be an MD I need to be able to help myself, first. Someone shed some inspiration. I need to get out of this hole I am digging myself.

I feel weak. So weak I am nauseous. Not weak in the physical sense but emotionally, I am weak. Why can't I beat my disorder. I should be able to reason myself out of this and yet, I cannot. As hard as I try my brain gets clouded by my mythical world of food and exercise.

I had an appointment with the nutritionist yesterday. I have not been following my meal plan and I told her how scared I am to be going home. I do not eat as much at home, nor do I feel the need to eat. There are no set meal times so I can skip meals as I please. The only thing that provides any sort of structure is the gym and a job, if I get my job back at Starbucks. Even there, people don't eat. She wants me to do an inpatient program. I know she is right, that I am too weak to beat this. Not weak. Intuitively, I know that's not true, I know no one can beat an eating disorder alone. But my brain is telling me I am weak.
I could admit myself but a) how the hell would I pay for it and b) my poor mom. The last thing she needs is a daughter in eating disorder rehab. She went through it once, I think a second time would kill her.

I'm scared for my bones. I'm scared for my teeth, my brain. I often have these visions of my teeth rotting straight through. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake and wonder if they are there.

Stress of finals has hit. With it come upset stomaches, anxiety, acid reflux and too much exercise. And the food, oh the food. Last night was "appetizer night". I made a huge salad, thought I was doing good. But I took home one of the giant "appetizer" pretzels. and in an eating disordered manner, ate the vast majority of it. right after dinner.

I am so sick, so sick of these disordered behaviors, of my strange character.

This morning I woke up anxious. I forced myself to breakfast but I was not hungry. I ate a little and promptly left. The anxiety brought by the dining hall was too much to bear.

I don't want people to pity me but, at the same time, I need to talk about this. I will make an appointment with my counselor at home but I don't want pity.

i need an escape for a while.

Tis the season

Well Thanksgiving has come and gone and, despite feared family angst it did not go that bad. I convinced myself to eat food and enjoy it and I did. No guilt, no restriction. It was a strangely normal day.

Back to reality. Today went well until 2PM or so. I went to the gym this morning but ate a substantial breakfast and lunch. Then I had a snack and I forced down an apple. I don't know why- I knew I would regret it.

boy did I regret it. I had been sitting doing work all day and I felt as though nothing had been properly accomplished.. I am researching molecular mechanisms of epilepsy and there is so much reading involved- I have worked on it for two days and have yet to begin the paper. I feel as though I spent a day sitting and for no reason.

Dinner time came and went. Completely not hungry but I knew by my impending fatigue that I should eat. I needed to be energized. I just couldn't motivate myself to eat.
Eventually I heated up some soup and had a roll with butter alongside. I ate it and while still not hungry, I was not satisfied. But at the same time, no appetite. I was so full of indecision and I just sat at the table kind of depressed. I envy those who can eat or not eat and not think about it. For me, the thought processes involved are rather exhausting.

I love being home and I hate it. I was going to go out tonight but I don't know if I can get myself out. For one thing, I am fearing the inevitable- going out where all of my friends are drinking. I don't want to drink. Don't get me wrong, I went out Wednesday night and really enjoyed myself but tonight is not my night.

Something about my house does this to me EVERY TIME. It really is hard for me as everyone in this household is so depressed. I feel like a loser to my brother when I don't want to go out and there is always this held anxiety. I can feel the tension in the air.

My dad is neurologically gone. He is not the man I used to share my stories with. He is a diabetic, alcoholic man with coronary artery disease. And I feel horrible for him because I know he is losing his memory and self awareness fast. He is depressed and trapped. If I lived here year round, I would probably be the same. Props to my mom for still being relatively sane.

I know the solution to my problem would be to get out. Leave my house. I just can't do it.

I miss smith. I think it is because there I am safe and warm. Mostly safe in my academic bubble.

Free time and eating disorders

I have a really hard time with free time. I don't know how to occupy myself and be satisfied with life and I recently discovered I am not alone. Another girl in the house who also has disordered eating and exercise told me today, she didn't know what to do- her work was done and she was basically sitting around, waiting to go home.
"What will you do at home?" I don't know, just sit around. But it's expected there

You see, the problem is, we have problems "sitting around" in our cubicles of a room. We have no real sense of belonging (other than the gym, after which comes the "now what" response). I suggested a trip downtown. what she really needs (and myself) is a hobby. Hobbies are hard to cultivate when you are focused on one solitary aspect of your life.

Recently, I have tried to get back into photography and I have started yoga. I am going to start playing the piano again, I think, and I think I may also restart collaging/scrapbooking. I like baking but I realized that is a dangerous hobby- too much food related and too much analyzing goes into what I am going to bake. I'm just too weird about food.

On that note, I ate dessert with lunch today and a pretty substantial breakfast. I don't feel too bad about the dessert (maybe just a slight tinge of guilt). I have been eating a lot more sweets lately though half of the time I don't actually crave them.. so I'm not sure if it's a good thing to be forcing myself to eat these sweets. On the other hand, it gets my mind off of food for a while (maybe it's that psychological connection between sweets/desserts and satisfaction). I think this stems from my mother, who always needs desserts. For now I won't worry too much about this but I will keep it in mind for the future. I really need to not be weird about food.

yesterday was so... fucking... hard.

I didn't exercise. I felt like my outlet was gone. I wanted to scream, to jump but I felt trapped in my own body. It was a weird experience where I felt as though I was floating. Some people use art, others, music. I used exercise. Despite this withdrawal I held back. I did not go because I knew I needed to not go. I need to feel things again and I can't numb myself.

My friend Sarah stood by my side. I talked with her and read with her. I am trying to maintain a focus. This morning, while I am going to the gym, i tried to get work done first. I am so frustrated because I was doing a quiz for physics and my calculations are not coming out correctly. And I see my grade drop in that class. I try so hard and yet I get no where.
We have another exam this weekend and I need to do well.. it is not an option.

I didn't drink much this weekend. Every Thursday seniors have a wine and cheese night and I had 3 glasses.. I was frustrated with physics. Last night my friends had a cocktail party for their twenty first and I only had two cocktails. .with cake. This morning I freaked in the dining hall for breakfast so I drank a Starbuck's frappucino drink in my room. I know I can do this. I just need to convince myself that I can.

All worn out and nothing fits

For me to not exercise is work.

I woke up this morning and had promised myself I wouldn't go to the gym. I would eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

So far so good. Lunch/brunch was a struggle. Brunch lunch is always a struggle. There was nothing that really appealed to me. I made toast and put two fried eggs on my plate. I never eat egg yolks. Today I ate an egg yolk, dressed with cheddar cheese. I guess I should feel accomplished but I don't really. After the event of eating the yolk it really makes no difference to me. The difference only lies in how I feel. I had the strongest urge for more caffeine and, after filling my mug with coffee I decided to crack open a coke. Something is so satisfying about coke. I can't really put my finger on it.

It's so embarrassing when I struggle with eating- everyone can see. Mary can see but I'm not sure she can see how much I am shaking. I don't think she knows the extent to which my disorder goes. Sarah does. But she is more likely to pat me on the back. The other night at dinner I was shaking while drinking my milk. She sat by.

What makes food so scary? I wonder if it activates the amydala, a region of the brain so involved with fear. I know it activates the brain regions most involved with addictions.. I need to look into that.

I talked to my dad this morning. Well, kind of. I was really anxious and I told him I wanted my dog.. and that was all. And that I want to punch things. I get so frustrated when I talk to family members because they never give me any type of response. They just expect me to talk and when I ask them something they can't answer my questions. I need someone who will respond to me.

I need a tattoo design. I want a non circular design that represents the female body and strength. I was thinking like a curvy silhouette... i really like that idea, actually.

Well today is a fun filled day of work (not really). It is just one day. I can make it through one day. I can make it through the semester.

I need to find some distraction. I am sick of this disorder consuming my life but, at the same time, I can't seem to let it go. The energy is building up in me and I am having a lot of trouble keeping with my meal plan "guidelines". In particular, I can't keep up with snacks. Every morning I have fought with myself about whether or not I should eat the toast too and while I do, it is not without agony. I need some suggestions. How do others make it through? I know I am to expect to feel bloated and I am to expect to not be hungry but it is against my nature to eat while not hungry. I feel like I need someone to just force this upon me.

As a result of my pent up energy/anxiety, I am stressing about the gym again. well, not really again as I never stopped stressing.

I need to remind myself that food is such a small scale in comparison to life and what i could be doing. One day is so minuscule. I need to do this, for my bones and for my health. I know I will be so much happier once I have come to a stable weight. Come onnn Katie.


Fall is here and it is getting colder. I can hardly believe that Thanksgiving is in exactly two weeks! I hope that I can enjoy the holiday without being too stressed out.

How does everyone else deal with stress during recovery? I need some suggestions.. some shout outs. I don't know if anyone reads this blog but I hope that if people do they may give me a few pointers.

I work up this morning a little anxious so I tried to calm myself down. I did my usual yoga routine (sun salutations always help!) and got dressed.. then I did my dishes. I dreaded going to breakfast a) because it is humiliating- I always bring my little bag with my cereal, coffee mug, water bottle and a book. I feel as though I am on display.

To break up routine I went to a different dining hall and immediately felt out of place. Thankfully my friend Sarah was up and ate breakfast with me. After completing my cereal I knew I should eat something with fat (as deemed by my meal plan). Sarah gets up, goes to the toaster. "Do you want any toast?". I don't think I would have had any had she not prompted me. So I made half of an english muffin and ate it with peanut butter. Just that simple prompt was really all I needed. I still feel crampy but I know I can do this. I need to keep myself motivated. One day at a time, one step at a time.

I am finding it hard to eat the snacks that the nutritionist wants me to eat. I know I should just force myself but it's too much for me to handle. I like being empty before meals... some sort of hunger to actually motivate me to eat. I know that my hunger is different than others, however. I either am consumed by it or I do not feel it at all. I guess you could say I am an extremist. This needs to end.

I wanted to cry yesterday, most of the day. I am so scared for my bones. It has been a very long time since I last had my period (we are talking a scale of many years) and I fear my future. I want to go to medical school and be a doctor but I am afraid my brain will be mush, my bones will be thin glass. If, that is, those things have not already happened. I am so scared.

Things to look forward to today: yoga, the sun.. .trying not to be too stressed out.

My brain is slowly recovering. I took the weekend off from exercise and tried to eat slightly better. It's funny because it seems as though when I am focusing on following a meal plan I want food less. There is more anxiety involved. That being said I am kind of forcing myself to eat better.. or at least to not be starving or living off of fruit. I am also curtailing my coffee habit. That may be the most difficult part. Coffee=Love. Until it kills my stomach, at least. I see the nutritionist again on Friday. I really like her.

I came across an article in the New York Times today saying that schools across the country have started to regulate what kids can and cannot eat in schools- old news to most of us. This includes, however, bake sales- baked goods are not allowed to be sold during school hours.
Bake Sales

This is a little over the top and unrealistic. Children will not learn that junk food is bad and are more likely to rebel and eat it out of school. Making a certain food taboo is never a solution. While I agree there is way too much sugar in our society I don't think the government has a right to ban what we can and cannot eat.

Now, at the same time, I am a strong advocate for the ban on trans fats. How can this be?
Here is my line of reasoning- cupcakes and cookies are not necessarily bad in moderation- sugar is not the worst offender to health so long as they are incorporated into a balanced diet (maybe these kids should sell milk or Silk with their cookies..). I think when sugar is the ONLY option it is bad but people have a mind of their own and so long as they are informed enough to make a decision then it is fine.

Trans fats- Proven to be horrible for the health in small amounts and nutritionists and doctors across the country agree that it should be avoided at all costs- it is not part of a balanced diet at all (minus what is found in incrementally small amounts naturally). What do you think of trans fats debate? To what extent does the government have a right to moderate what we eat and when we eat it?