I work up this morning a little anxious so I tried to calm myself down. I did my usual yoga routine (sun salutations always help!) and got dressed.. then I did my dishes. I dreaded going to breakfast a) because it is humiliating- I always bring my little bag with my cereal, coffee mug, water bottle and a book. I feel as though I am on display.

To break up routine I went to a different dining hall and immediately felt out of place. Thankfully my friend Sarah was up and ate breakfast with me. After completing my cereal I knew I should eat something with fat (as deemed by my meal plan). Sarah gets up, goes to the toaster. "Do you want any toast?". I don't think I would have had any had she not prompted me. So I made half of an english muffin and ate it with peanut butter. Just that simple prompt was really all I needed. I still feel crampy but I know I can do this. I need to keep myself motivated. One day at a time, one step at a time.

I am finding it hard to eat the snacks that the nutritionist wants me to eat. I know I should just force myself but it's too much for me to handle. I like being empty before meals... some sort of hunger to actually motivate me to eat. I know that my hunger is different than others, however. I either am consumed by it or I do not feel it at all. I guess you could say I am an extremist. This needs to end.

I wanted to cry yesterday, most of the day. I am so scared for my bones. It has been a very long time since I last had my period (we are talking a scale of many years) and I fear my future. I want to go to medical school and be a doctor but I am afraid my brain will be mush, my bones will be thin glass. If, that is, those things have not already happened. I am so scared.

Things to look forward to today: yoga, the sun.. .trying not to be too stressed out.