yesterday was a bust. I was horribly anxious and as a result I didn't eat a lot. I was angry, depressed and not hungry.. blah..

Today I go back to school somehow (damn snow.. it is always disrupting my plans for a ride. my mom hates driving in the snow).. I still hope she'll drive me.. though that is really really selfish. And I know I face a world of friends but also, triggers. I need to get my life in order this semester. There is no choice/other chance.

And I start work tomorrow? I'm so nervous about that.

ugh

Yesterday went pretty well.. I actually ate a normal dinner with my parents...

.. Today, a different story. I was too tired/hungry to go to the gym this morning so I gave myself permission to take the day off. But then I wasn't "hungry" at lunch. So I didn't really eat.

Truth is I was/am hungry. I just don't know what to eat because I didn't exercise, really. I'm going to my grandma's soon, to celebrate her birthday. So that means cake, food. I wont' eat cake. I hate the sugary taste to cake. But I may be expected to eat dinner. Usually this isn't a problem but today, it poses big problems.

Yesterday I gave myself permission to eat. I just can't do it . What the hell am I so scared of?