So I have been home for break for two days. . . the first day was spent writing a paper so I don't really count it. Anyways I am already feeling the heat. Specifically, in terms of activity and eating. I have either not been hungry at all (typically during the day) or so hungry I can't handle it (evenings). Last night, after pacing and not knowing what to eat (there is really no food here that appeals to me), I made a healthy choice dinner and then had ice cream and soymilk. I was so antsy but rather than do the usual, movies, etc, I decided to create christmas cards with my energy. I was rather impressed.

Today was different. It was a day full of anxiety, though indirectly. I was out shopping with my mother, who frustrates me so much because she is in denial about her own problems. She spends most of her time, when not working, on the couch in front of the TV. . . "Why would I go anywhere else, that is where your father is". She needs to do something with her life and is much too young to live alone as an old maid. I further get frustrated because she has no real passion. For anything. She only cares about work and fretting about the family. I told her, the best thing she could do for the family would be to get a hobby. I dont understand how one person can be so apathetic. True, she may be depressed, she denies it continuously, which only makes matters worse. Between that and her bipolar personality, I really get fed up. I know it is her anxiety but she needs to learn how to manage it. I'm working on mine, so why has she not yet figured out hers?

My brother often talks about suffering from the Jones male fate (okay, not often.. he only mentioned it once). He is the only person, however, who is capable of changing that fate, and I tell him again and again. At the same time, however, I wonder if I suffer from the Forte female fate. My mom and my grandma both have this stubborn anxiety, the anxiety they fail to see and yet causes them so many problems. But I am attempting to do something about it so I'm different right? I am aware of my problems.

At the same time, I'm not working that hard to alleviate my problems... at the moment, anyways. I'm stuck in this wierd in between state . I am in a state where I know I need to do something but don't have the motivation to do so. The longer I stay home, the more motivation I lose. Typical.

Currently I'm sitting downstairs and watching Big Fish. I feel as though I have completely regressed.

I see my counselor on Monday. Thankfully.