It's amazing how much getting enough food can change one's viewpoint. Specifically, I mean carbohydrates.

So it's finals season here and that means lots of sitting, lots of studying, lots of excess energy and nerves. Thus far the nerves have not been that bad.. and I thought I was doing pretty well, eating wise. Except I am listless, lethargic. My warning sign should have been Friday morning, at the gym.. I couldn't even make it through my normal workout. Overcompensating for eating? Probably.

Last night I had some delicious bread and hummus in my room.. and instantly, my mood was lifted and I had energy. I felt so much better, so much more at peace. This morning I thought I was done but decided to have some toast with butter with my cereal. again, so much more energy.

You would think that I would know this by now, as I am sure I have had similar posts. But I always forget. Always. I am scared for when I go home and I don't have to eat 3 meals a day. I mean, I always do anyways but it is distorted. And i cut at one meal so I am "hungry enough" at the next.
I need a game plan for next semester. I need to recover. I thought I was on the road but I am not. I am still obsessed with exercise and, while I take some time off, I have to plan for it. I am obsessed with routine and I am not cultivating my interests. I am not cultivating a life. I graduate in may and this needs to end. I need to make a life for myself.

The nutritionist here wants me to do an inpatient program over break. I think I have mentioned this... . I am not planning on doing it but I do think I need a team.. counselor, nutritionist and an MD. If I want to be an MD I need to be able to help myself, first. Someone shed some inspiration. I need to get out of this hole I am digging myself.