I tried not to restrict too badly tonight but boy did that muffin linger. It is funny (well, no, not really) how one "mess up" can ruin an entire day.. can make a person feel horribly guilty and angry all day long.

I didn't have my usual breakfast this morning- I had an odwalla bar instead but then I felt guilty for eating something so carby.. however the carb fest continued all day anyways (not without guilt, trust me).

I need a solid meal plan. I need someone to sit me down and give me exchanges again. I could do it on my own. But I can't. I need that push.. I don't want to see my nutritionist again because she just tells me "Katie, you know it already". She's right, I do.

I go back to school soon and I am nervous. School means buffets, it means salad bars, it means a lot fo work and exercise. Most importantly, it means a lot of other abnormal girls. I love my school but at the same time I want to punch some people and their behaviors. I want to shake them and say "take a day off from the gym.. eat food". They would just look at me and laugh.

I got angry last semester. A girl in my house was making fun of the "twiggy" girl in one of the dining halls.. "what's her problem, she pays 45000 dollars/year to eat carrots". I dont know how to convey to a person that an eating disorder is a mental problem, an addiction. Some people just don't understand. I want to cry for a very long time. Or take a very long nap. Hey, at least I didn't go to the gym today.