Day 4:

I had work today at 7 Am and I was so tired. I made myself eat breakfast and tried not to think too much about it. I did a lot better today in terms of just having snacks and non sporadic eating. I found it helps if I don't really have a drink at work (I work at a coffee shop and I usually plan on having a smoothie or something.. but not having anything but water or tea really cuts down on anxiety). I made myself a solid lunch too, of which I was really proud as most people who work there dont really seem to eat meals. I think that throws me off.

I declared today as being ok to not have to work out. I will go tomorrow morning. Today I have a counselor appointment so rather than going to the gym I will just ride my bike home.

Last night was really sad. I felt so overwhelmed- it was my day off and I had a late lunch.. and then I ate a whole bag of microwave popcorn (this is abnormal for me.. im trying to get over my carb-o-phobia). I walked the dogs that I am house sitting for with my sister and my own dog but when I got back I felt trapped. I decided I wasn't hungry and read. But I found myself falling asleep- it was 6 PM! Sure I was tired but I also think I was hungry. I forced myself to eat dinner and afterwards I ended up inhaling a lot of ice cream. It's funny how appetite works. I spent the rest of the night researching medical school, watching tv and kind of feeling like a loser. but a tired one.

im making progress but it is slow. What happens when I go back home next week? I find when I am around my mom I am worse and I am not sure why. I think she senses this and I feel guilty. She has horrible eating habits and I think if she ate better it might be easier for me.

Anyways time to clean up around here! It's raining (i love the rain.. just not when I have to bike somewhere)