Sometimes I wish I knew how others viewed me. Do people see me as that "anorexic girl"? I know I often mention those girls in my entries but I am curious as to whether or not others see me this way. I try asking my friend Sarah from time to time but of course she says no. This is the only area where I am not sure I can trust her to tell the truth.

If I knew what other people's perception of me was, would it make a difference? Probably not. I mean, maybe it would make me more insecure but I already kind of assume people view me as the "anorexic girl". I think I am looking for people to tell me I am not weird and I look healthy. I really don't know if that is true though. Sometimes I pore over pictures of myself, trying really hard to see if I look abnormal in comparison to my healthy counterparts but honestly, I have no clue. It scares me sometimes when I look at magazine articles of "scary skinny" and I don't see a thing wrong with them. Am I scary skinny? It's all relative, I think.

I thought this website of celebrities with eating disorders was interesting:
http://www.edreferral.com/Celebrities_who_died_or_have_Eating_Disorders.htm


today at lunch I kind of gave myself a pat on the back.. I followed this set "meal plan" in my head. Is this progress or regression? I would like to think this is progress but part of me knows I need to let go of control. Just not here, where everything is so crazy busy.