Thoughts

I find that after lunch I get tired/ want to eat though I feel full. This triggers anxiety and the need to go to the gym. I try to avoid these feelings by reading but sometimes it is so hard. Today I am only going to do a quick workout in the little gym nearby. Yesterday I did go to the gym but i had so much energy I accomplished a lot- and then went out.

I am trying to stay cool around my friends. I feel as though I am putting up this false mask of being healthy. Maybe if I can fool other people I can also fool myself. I have been trying to be as calm as possible and it helps a little. I have not been restricting, only mildly obsessing and I have not been over exercising. Its funny how I view things differently now that I am not entirely overtaken by this awful disorder.

Yesterday afternoon was really hard but I pushed myself to get things done. Sometimes I am so obsessive that nothing gets done.. little things like mailing out letters or cleaning my room become major challenges. But I see myself slowly easing into a different type of lifestyle. That is, I hope.

I went out for drinks last night with some friends which was good and awkward. I was so amazed that I had energy and it was a good feeling. A kind of normalcy with which I am unfamiliar.

I need suggestions, advice. I think I will schedule a physical exam with my school . . . though I am worried because last time they threatened me with weight. It is clearly not about weight people.

so should I continue working out. I feel like when I don't my chest tightens, I am not happy at all. I read a study that patients who were allowed to exercise moderately recovered faster and did not relapse as much. It makes sense to me.