I just found out that a very triggering person will be on campus the very same weekend as one of my closest friends.. and they are friends. blah.. way to ruin a good weekend.

Where has this semester gone?

So generally at this point of the year I am psyched- Summer is swiftly approaching. This year is different, however, as a) I am graduating, b) I have no f-ing clue what I am going to be doing when I get out and c) the economy is shit.

I have decided I am going to do a direct entry Nurse to Nurse Practitioner master's program. In order to do this I will need to take a year off to take prerequisite classes and to apply to the programs. This is daunting- what the heck am I supposed to do with my time off? I honestly do not think I can spend any more time at home and while some friends want to get an apartment together in Boston I am kind of dreading the "next step". We wouldn't be able to get the apartment until September and I am afraid by then I will be trapped. At home, that is.

I just got back from being home for a week for Spring break. While things are better than they were before there is just not enough space for me to live comfortably and privately. What's worse, I generally do not eat as well at home as I do here... and as this is vital for my recovery, things get tricky. my family makes fun of me for my "finicky' eating habits... I prefer to eat solid meals and not junk food. I have to find some way around this. I am a lot more stable than before- and kind of hoping my period will come back but, at this point, I fear it is lost. My mom can't understand this.

I noticed that my mom and I have a really weak relationship. .. really, sometimes I just want her to talk to me, open up with me and ask me what is wrong/right/how I'm feeling. Just come out and ASK me, instead of hiding everything. Sure, I may say something you don't want to hear. but I know it's on your mind... she keeps everything closed up inside. When my ED was at it's height, we bonded over walking every night and weight watchers.. I clung to it because recipes and food were all we had. Really, there were no conversations of substance. Now that I am beyond this point, there are still no really conversations of substance. But I try to push for them. I just don't know how to open her up, really.

Okay well i must do work . and I'm going to admit that I am kind of freaking out about the heavy evening snack I just ate- will it upset my breakfast? Oh well.. need to get over such menial things.